Red, Gold, and Green

Day Six

Once again i'm up an unreasonable hour for someone who has a day job.  I've watched random youtube videos (hey dave from boyinaband), started some laundry, clicked around some more, tried relaxation techniques, and still nothing. So here I am for late night therapy.

Here's the deal. I personally believe that what you put out into the universe comes back to you in equal measures.  You put out dickish vibes, eventually something dickish will happen to you.  For me it's not full on Karma and the like but something pretty close to it.  You may be thinking to yourself "oh wow this must make you a considerate person who really cares about other people or at least selfish enough to not want anything bad to happen to you."  Oh if only internet stranger.

I very rarely care what happens to me.

I cannot stress this enough.. It's not self hatred, I do generally like myself but I just have a sort of general apathy towards my own well being.  I care deeply what happens to my children and I somewhat care about what happens to my dad and my friends and that's about it.  As such I have no problem being a dick sometimes.  I like being honest and open about my thoughts and opinions regardless of what other people think. If the universe decides throw some of that back at me I fully accept it.  I go into it with my eyes wide open.  

Now, do I teach my children this sort of behavior?  Absolutely not.  They have no idea that their mom is an apathetic bad ass. They think I'm the mean lady who feeds them healthy foods, turns off the tv, takes away the tablet, makes them go outside, and puts them in time out.  Social me and Mommy me could not be more different people.  I grew up being largely unsupervised when it came to the TV or the internet (like most of my peers) but I don't even leave my kids alone in a room with a TV and I've blocked internet access almost completely. Spongebob is taboo in my house for goodness sake!

But social me could not give less of a fuck. 

I curse like a sailor, I'll tell you how I really feel, and I have no time for other people's nonsense.