Mother Mary should stop whispering and start shouting

Day 7

I'm pretty sure I've broken my toe so I'm in an extra grumpy mood right now.  I have a lot of complicated thoughts and feelings on the election at the moment so I figured I'd get them all down in one long post.

1. I did not vote for Trump.  I will never endorse him personally and I think he stands for a lot of very hateful things that are a detriment to our country as a whole both socially and economically. 

2. Melania Trump is not her husband.  I'm really tired of seeing slut shaming posts about her.  A lot of people on my facebook have posted a nude photo she did while modeling and its not helping anyone.  First of all she looks hella confident in her picture and clearly has no problem with her body.  Especially in this time of uncertainty for women's rights we should be coming together not tearing each other down.  If Hilary Clinton is not her husband's actions then neither is Melania Trump.  You cannot have it both ways.  Also just some simple Googling would show you that she came from a fairly humble background and also speaks six languages fluently.  How many can ya'll speak?

3. I'm all for a good protest.  They are part of a long tradition of standing up for your rights and have helped make huge strides in civil liberties across history.  Telling people they're "whining" because they're protesting just makes you look like a jackass.  People are wholeheartedly terrified about the outcome of this election.  They are protesting because they want to ensure that everyone's rights are upheld and not pushed aside by the President Elect.

4. Protesting and rioting are not the same thing.  If you're causing destruction, looting shit, and lighting things on fire the people who're already against aren't going to be more likely to listen.  Rioting to get your point across is like using a slip and slide to get up a hill.

5.  Stop trying to legislate my fucking uterus.  A fair number of the people I know who voted for Trump did so because of his current stance on abortion.  I'm really tired of anyone having the arrogance and audacity to think they know what's best for anyone else's body.  I've had two children that weren't exactly planned and while I chose to keep them I would never tell anyone else how they should handle the situation.  I don't know their life like that.  There's also been a ton of misinformation spread about "late term" abortions which has really riled people up.  Restricting women's ability to get life saving procedures because you think you know better is a horrible way to treat other human beings. That's taking an already difficult situation and just shitting on it.  On a related note to the ladies in the room.  WE DON'T LEGISLATE DICKS so either we need to start making laws or leave the vaginas alone. 

6.  Google is not the enemy.  I see a stupid amount of click bait articles touted as fact lately.  While the majority have been from Trump supporters, no one is immune.  It's one thing to post a funny pet picture or a random fact from a click bait article and another to post political "facts".  I check into a lot of the things and they fall apart pretty quickly.  These sites want you to think they're true so you'll click and they'll get money and they have zero incentive to fact check or even pretend to give a shit about telling the truth.

I really could go on and on about this for forever.  While I'm thankful I'm not in a precarious position because of this election I'm very aware that a lot of my friends and millions of people across the country are.  My goal is to support them and stand with them in the fight for their rights, women's rights, and equality in general.

Red, Gold, and Green

Day Six

Once again i'm up an unreasonable hour for someone who has a day job.  I've watched random youtube videos (hey dave from boyinaband), started some laundry, clicked around some more, tried relaxation techniques, and still nothing. So here I am for late night therapy.

Here's the deal. I personally believe that what you put out into the universe comes back to you in equal measures.  You put out dickish vibes, eventually something dickish will happen to you.  For me it's not full on Karma and the like but something pretty close to it.  You may be thinking to yourself "oh wow this must make you a considerate person who really cares about other people or at least selfish enough to not want anything bad to happen to you."  Oh if only internet stranger.

I very rarely care what happens to me.

I cannot stress this enough.. It's not self hatred, I do generally like myself but I just have a sort of general apathy towards my own well being.  I care deeply what happens to my children and I somewhat care about what happens to my dad and my friends and that's about it.  As such I have no problem being a dick sometimes.  I like being honest and open about my thoughts and opinions regardless of what other people think. If the universe decides throw some of that back at me I fully accept it.  I go into it with my eyes wide open.  

Now, do I teach my children this sort of behavior?  Absolutely not.  They have no idea that their mom is an apathetic bad ass. They think I'm the mean lady who feeds them healthy foods, turns off the tv, takes away the tablet, makes them go outside, and puts them in time out.  Social me and Mommy me could not be more different people.  I grew up being largely unsupervised when it came to the TV or the internet (like most of my peers) but I don't even leave my kids alone in a room with a TV and I've blocked internet access almost completely. Spongebob is taboo in my house for goodness sake!

But social me could not give less of a fuck. 

I curse like a sailor, I'll tell you how I really feel, and I have no time for other people's nonsense.

Momemy

Day 5

My mother is a real piece of work.  I know that some part of her really does just want what's best for me but the way she goes about it is just amazingly fucked up.  First we'll start with my name.  I go by my middle name because my mother gave me her first name.  It causes a massive headache whenever I have something mailed to my parents house that uses my first name and my credit score will always be linked with hers.  I will never understand the fascination with passing down your own name.  My kids have their own identities and names (even if my sons names came from two of my guy friends).  My brother is a third and deals with the same things I do if not on a deeper level because my dead grandfather is tied up in it as well.  (shout out to the Republican Party who still sends him mail and calendars of former Republican presidents after being dead since 1997)

So not only do we share a name but she thinks my entire life is something she's in charge of.  She has a comment or more likely a snide remark for my clothes, my friends, who I date, what I eat, etc.  If I have to spend more than 2 hours in her presence I need a stiff drink.  I still have an unhealthy relationship with food because of her. When I'm around her I don't eat at all and when she's not there I eat terribly because some part of me knows that it would piss her off (and also because cheese fries are the shit).  She's somehow gotten copies of my personal credit cards and used them.  I don't use my first name on my credit cards so its not a simple case of her thinking they're hers. No, she's gone out of her way to use a card with my name.  The most recent incident involved a card I haven't used or had a physical copy of in 2 years and it suddenly has about a grand charged to it. Who does that??

I have to have body image talks with my own daughter to counteract things my mom tells her.  Again, my mom thinks she's doing a good thing so it's really hard to explain to her why it's so harmful.  My mom will tell my daughter she shouldn't do things because its not "pretty" or it'll "ruin her good looks." I then have to go back and rephrase everything so that it pertains more to her health and well being rather than how she looks.  The two of them recently took a trip to DC for a Paul Mccartney concert and I asked if they could make a trip the the Smithsonian museum while they were there and check out a suffragette exhibit.  None of that happened and I was treated like a crazy person for even suggesting it.  I buy my daughter historical non fiction children's books on many women's rights leaders and role models.  She would have loved the exhibit.

I could fill a whole book just on the shit my mom does but this is enough for now.  We're never going to have a Gilmore Girls or Little Women type of relationship and I'm really OK with that.

Jason Dohring

Day Four

Can we just take a moment and talk about Jason Dohring?  It is an absolute travesty that this man is not in more movies and TV shows.  If you don't know who I'm talking about (firstly you need to just smack yourself) he played Logan Echolls on Veronica Mars.  If you don't know what Veronica Mars was, you don't deserve to be on this Earth.  Logan was a character that was deeply flawed and extremely passionate.  He came from a fucked up, broken family and made a lot of really dumb decisions but damn was he delicious.  Logan was someone you couldn't help but like even when he was just a straight up asshole.  Jason Dohring brought Logan to life in a way that is almost its own art form outside of acting.  It was transcendent.   I can't watch any episode of Veronica Mars without completely losing it every time he's in a scene.

So why isn't he in more?????

Lately he's had run as a cop on The Originals on the C.W.  He deserves so much more though.  If I had it my way he'd be in just as many movies in Kristin Bell and heading up his own TV show.  The man can do comedy, drama, intrigue, you name it. 

Have I mentioned he's hot as fuck? 

An Unsouthern Tradition

Day 3

I've lived in The South for almost my entire life.  I grew up in the house that my grandparents built and I currently live only 3 min away from that same house.  My oldest child attends the same school as my dad, brother and I went to.  I was raised to be a W.A.S.P. and I have rejected that hardcore.  A lot of the girls I grew up with have stayed on that same track and I now see wedding posts, engagement posts, and baby announcements on a weekly basis.  Facebook is a great way to both keep up with people and hate yourself a little bit at the same time.  From watching the way these women present themselves and their lives I've learned that I was never cut out for that life style.  I don't look good as a blonde, I almost never wear makeup, I find most of the things they post a giant waste of money and time and energy, South Beach is dumb, and I just can't "people" they way they do.  As wives and parents these women are totally rocking it so I'm not all judgmental up in here but I personally just can't.  Their kids all wear matching Lily Pulitzer outfits and they have these grand photoshoots for every occasion.  I'm lucky if I can scrounge around and find my iphone for a couple of dumb pictures with my friends for an entire evening out (which happens like once every 3 months).  I take a lot of pictures of my kids when we're hanging out but its just like regular family pictures or pictures of my daughters hair that I've done a good job on.  These women have made careers out of presenting themselves and their families as perfect.  Never an unmanicured nail or hair out of place or screaming child meltdown to be seen.  I'm sometimes jealous of all this but mostly just exhausted for them.  It can't be fun or easy to always be on.  I can't even date a guy for more than a few months I can't imagine being my age and married and having to make plans with my other married friends and host dinner parties and go to country club functions.   

Like shoot me.

I would much rather eat couch pizza  and hang around in my underwear all day by myself.

A Harvey Dent Story

Day Two

I've just ordered dinner from Tropical Pickin Chicken.  I absolutely love this place.  In recent years I've both stopped cooking at home and developed a mighty taste for South American cuisine.  Arepas, Empanadas, plantains, its all delicious!  My main reason for posting tonight is unrelated to my dinner, however.

I do a lot of online dating.  It seems to be the best way to meet new people when you work way too much and just generally hate people.  I've met some decent guys online and had some really interesting conversations.  Yes, there are a lot of creeps online but there are just as many on the bar scene.  I had a guy proposition me into giving him a blow job for sex online which is fine because I can just click a button a block him.  He's not physically next to me doing this shit.  I can ignore messages, stop talking to people outright.  It's glorious.

The worst part about online dating is what I call the "Harvey Dent Effect."  If you're not aware of who Harvey Dent is go watch the Batman cartoon and then come back.  If you don't have time for that, he's the villain known as Two Face.  So there's two different ways the HDE can happen.  The first is physical.  Sometimes you're talking to a dude (or lady if that's your jam) and their pictures look great and things are going well.  Then they send you a new pic or maybe you meet them in person and now you're suddenly wondering if they have all their teeth and what kind of magical lighting did they use for their pics.  Yes, everyone is going to look different than their pictures but there's a margin of error.  For my personal tastes, if you look more than 5% different than your profile then I'm out.  The second HDE is much more sinister.  This is when you're talking to a person and they seem really chill and cool and awesome.  Then, you find out "the truth."  They might be a Trump supporter, a vegan who brings it up every two seconds, or just a dick.  Somehow this deep dark part of their personality has been kept in check until the actual first or second date and then it rears its ugly head.  To be fair, I'm probably really guilty of this.  While I warn people I'm a bitch on day one, people don't usually believe me.

Suckers.

Captain's log

Day One

I'm supposed to be asleep right now.  In fact I scolded myself an hour ago that I was still up.  Once again I've fallen down that deep dark hole that is the internet and my own fucked up brain.  I've started this new blogging adventure as an outlet for all the dark things bouncing around in my head.  The goal is to get more sleep and maybe be a more well adjusted normal human being.  I'm not holding my breath for either.  Really I just talk about this shit too much at work and with new dates and at parties...  man I suck sometimes.... but I'm also pretty awesome so hopefully it evens out.  People have suggested I write a book about my life experiences so far but I'm not quite so delusional as to think I'll snap my fingers and magically get a book deal so here we are.... at 2:27am..... On a Tuesday..

My name is Christine.  I am 25 years old and single mother of 2 wonderful kiddos.  I work at what I lovingly refer to as a pharmacy cult :D.  Its really a great company and not a cult but we chant our company motto every morning in unison, hence the nickname.  So all of that is the super boring part of my life and probably the full extent of what my parents actually know about me.  They are a large part of why I refer to myself as fucked up.  Not the whole reason. I think biology also has something to do with it (but I am adopted so I do not share their biology...thank god).  

I really should get some sleep now.. I was informed by my father that if my condo wasn't spotless when he came to check on it that he'd sell it and let me be homeless (ok, not for real homeless but I would have to find a new place to live which I really can't afford),  It's not his fault though.. My mother (also known as she-witch, that lady, she who must not be named, credit card sally, quid pro quo, GiGi, the devil wears prada, etc) has put him up to this.  That woman cannot stand me or let me live my life.  Really she can't let anyone do anything that she hasn't approved of before hand.  So my dad does shit like this because she's behind the scenes making his life a living hell if  he doesn't.  I've asked why they're even still married and the response I get is along the lines of "I'm too old to change, it's better to live the the crazy you know" I used to think its because my dad had no idea how to take care of himself (he can't cook) but in recent years he's taken over more and more household duties.. He started doing his own laundry a few years ago and now he even loads the dishwasher.  He's the main one that takes care of my kids in the mornings (I'm usually working).  He might just love my mom too much which would be really lovely if she weren't just completely awful.

Buckle up buttercups.  Most of this blog will probably be about my mother.